Kung fu Internet
by Predsfan
Summary: The internet comes to china and everyone loves it.The last chapter is up Review it plz and tell me what you think.
1. Chapter 1

This is the story of when the Internet came to china. No romance involved I thought of this when watching south park and I'm board so here it is and here whats happening: Crane is addicted to Internet porn, Mantis On-line shopping, Tigress On-Line dating. Monkey Illegally down loading movies and music, Viper On-line gambling, and Po and Shifu are trying to find out whats going on with there Credit cards

--

It was a sunday afternoon when all the F5 (Furious Five) Were all out training in their courtyard and Temple. The sun was bright and hot. And there wasn't much to do on a Sunday except go to church, but they lived in china so they worshiped some other God so anyways back to the story.

"Oh my god its finally here" Po said looking at the package he ordered about a week ago from Dell. It was a fairly large box with the words Dell on it.

"What the hell is that?" Crane said as he received a tail whip from Viper, falling to the ground. Everyone stopped what they were doing and walked over to the stairs.

"Its a computer idiot, What you guys never heard of one before?" Po said in a slightly sarcastic voice. All the other animals shook there heads no.

"You guys never seen a computer?, What you guys live in a temple your whole lif..." Po cut himself off before he finished.

"I'm going to hook the Internet up here" po said looking at the animals who were still wondering what a computer was.

"You need help carrying it fat ass?" Crane said as walked to the other side of the box.

"Sure Stupid" Po said in retaliation. Crane looked up at Po with blood shot eyes.

"Mortal combat!" Crane shouted from the top of his lungs.

"What the hells going on?" Po said extremely confused.

"He challenged you to Mortal combat" Tigress said with her normal bitchy tone.

"The two of you fight till one of you dies" Viper said with _her _normal high pitched non-bitchy tone.

"I still dont understand" Po said as he looked at Crane.

"Its like yo mama, but with kung fu" Mantis said finally getting a word in this chapter.

Crane when into battle pose and waited for the fat panda to strike. After a few minutes of nothing Crane realized what he just said was stupid and walked back to the computer.

"Are we going to get this or not?" Crane said, sad because he did not get to fight to the death.

A few half hours later of setting up the computer center and Internet and chair. IT was finally ready to go.

"So who wants on? I got to go train" Po said graping his new gym bag.

"I guess I will" Crane said pulling out the chair.

"wait up Po, We shall accompany you" Monkey said, him and the others catching up with Po.

Now at this time Crane is all alone, whats a guy suppose to do with a new computer and Internet. Well you guessed it.

"Wonder what there is to do on this thing" Crane said out loud randomly clicking. He keep randomly clicking till he found a web site called Cranesgonewild his clicked and all of a sudden the world of limitless opportunity arrived at this computer. He shut the door behind him and started to get to work (sex joke you get or you don't).

Outside the door...

Viper came inside to get some water when she heard a thumping noise coming from the room Crane was in. She walked closer and realized it was intensifying.

"Master Crane are you in there?" Viper said with hear ear to the door about ready to open it.

"Wait!" Crane shouted from the room he was in.

"oh good you in there, Um I need you out side to train with theres only five of us" Viper said as she slithered around far a few more minutes.

"I need you come out here now!" Viper said trying to stay calm.

"Just one more minute!!" Crane said biding time

The thumping noise stopped all of a sudden. Viper was wondering what was going on and decided to barge in on Crane. Who manage to click out of the web page right before she slithered in. She walked in to find white stuff all over the walls and junk.

"What the hell happened in here?" Viper said sarcastically.

"It was a ghost a big gooey ghost, I had to fight him of but got covered in his white goo" Crane said exhausted, face flushed and heart pounding.

"Well clean your self up" Viper said walking out the door.

--

Read & Review I don't own and think and good night.


	2. Chapter 2

Next up is Viper's Gambling issues and stuff. I don't own anything if I did the movie would have been better. R & R If not I will kill you.

--

"Well clean your self up" Viper said walking out the door.

"Fine I will" Crane said graping a rag and cleaning up his mess.

A few minutes later while Crane was in the shower. Viper slithered back into the computer room to see what was worth getting angry about. She made a profile on windows Clicked it and when into the so called Internet after surfing for a bit she found a gambling web site which said I needed a credit card.

"Master Po has a credit card" Viper said thinking about the credit card Po used to pay for the Internet. She went into his room found the credit card a typed the code in the computer and started playing poker. She play slot and Texas hold um and the like. After about five seconds she lost five thousand dollars.

"What are you doing?" Crane said walking back into the room to get Viper. Looking at the screen.

"um nothing, Its free Crane 100 free" Viper said with that fuck up smile she has.

"Then why do you have Po's credit card?" Crane said walking closer to were Viper was sitting.

"OK I suck at poker!" Viper said crying. Crane sat down on a chair near here.

"You do but how much did you lose" Crane said looking at the screen of which Viper Just put down 100

"Not that much just around five grand" Viper said Smiling, Crane look at hear with his jaw droped.

"ok no one will know if we win it back, Luckily for you I'm a poker champ"Crane said sitting down.

About 10 minutes later the other came in when they heard some strange voices. Tigress found it was coming from the computer room and it was Crane's and Viper's voice they were hearing

"Oh my god yes crane!" Viper shouted as he keep wining at poker getting there money back.

"I know is this great or what" Crane said excitedly. Viper looked as they went from 5k in the hole to 10 k In there pockets or what ever they used to hold things in.

"Ok Crane lets go fast and don't stop whatever happens" Viper said noticing the other were listening in on them .

The 3 of the five and po stood out the door listening to what ever it was the two were doing when all of a sudden Shifu came out of the lil rat hole.

"What the hell is that students?" Shifu said with his ear twiching.

"Find out for yourself Master" Tigress said with her ear by the door. Shifu joined in putting his ear to the door.

"Crane there out there we have to finish up" Viper said as she realized there time was short.

The others outside jaw drop when they realized what they thought they were doing.

"I think there you know" Tigress said making an ok sign with her hand and putting a finger though it.

"NOT IN MY HOUSE!" Shifu said about ready to kick down the door but Monkey and Mantis stopped them in hopes of finding out what might happen next.

"wait I'm not done yet" Crane said pleading her to stay a bit longer.

"Ok but finish up fast I'm already done" Viper said walking back to him.

About 2 minutes later they finished up and walked out finding and 5 of the animals around them.

"That was fun wasn't it Viper?" Crane said walking out the door the train with her.

"Shut up we don't want them to find out" Viper said slightly whipping him with her tail.

The others looked at them walking out and couldn't help but wonder what the hell they were doing.

--

End of chap 2. what you think R&R. Next up is... I will let the first person who reviews decide ok.


	3. Chapter 3

Macfanboy has chosen Tigress so Tigress it shall be. I don't own anything. If chap suck its because I'm Writing it at 12:02 AM (Can't sleep). I want at least 5 from 5 different ppl Reviews before I post next chapter.

--

_Them Crazy kids_ Tigress thought as she watch Crane and Viper walk out the door the the training grounds. She walked to where the computer was and wonder what could a little machine such as this bring so much "joy", As she sat at the computer she couldn't help but find out. The made an windows account and logged in and surfed around a bit.

Maybe there a cure for loneliness on this thing She though as she Googled it and a few dating webs popped up (I did actually Google loneliness and no dating webs came up) She clicked one of them (I don't know any) Witch ask for name, number, sex, age, CREDIT CARD number, and other thing it really shouldn't have to know.

"Master Shifu has one of the credit card" Tigress said out loud for no real reason. Walking into her master Sacred room of get the hell out or I'll FKing Kill you. She graped the credit card, punched in the numbers. Her ID name was Tigressbaby635 Sex:F Age:22 Turn-ons:Other tigers Turn-offs:Fat Dragon warrior pandas. (I just burned PoxTigres)

After about 30 minutes of Bloging and such she decided to recheck her dating account and when she did she had about 20 massages saying "Hay baby want 2 chat" And things related. This would normally not bother her but the majority of those were from men in there 50's and a women in her 20's. She sat in the chair a few more minutes thinking about clicking the women in her 20's, but the decided to wait. All of a sudden there was a Guy who's age was that of 23. She clicked it and turned out he was telling the truth about everything. His interest were kung fu he was a male Tiger and looked pretty good to her.His screen name was tigerman45 (Its clever I know)

Massaging mode:

Tigerman45:Hay Whats up?:)

Tigressbaby635:Nothin much Just sitting here u?

Tigerman45:same thing pretty much? ASL?

Tigressbaby635:22/F/Vop u?

Tigerman45: 23/M/Vop OMG! We live in the same place

Tigressbaby635:Rlly?

Tigerman45:Yes

Tigressbaby635:OMG

Tigerman45:I know

Tigerman45:Whats your real name? maybe I know you

Tigressbaby635:Its Tigress U?

Tigerman45:Nui

Tigressbaby635: cool we should meet up

Tigerman45: We should but were

Tigressbaby635:Theres a old noodle shop I know of

Tigerman45:K I need the address

Tigressbaby635:Alright

After sending the address do the tiger she said her good byes and logged off of the computer wondering what he was like in real life.

--

Thats chap 3 its really short cuz I really couldn't make it all to long. Next will be monkey.Reveiw I have 124 hits so far and 2 review.good night you all and have a good day.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 of kung fu Internet will be about what Viper and Crane do with the money from the gambling they were doing. I do not own anything if I did id be rich or something like that. Don't worry Crane will get some kind of real life porn again.

--

Viper and Crane were walking back inside to the temple while the other were all out side training. They came in for "A glass of water" Yet everyone thought they meant sex but they really were thirsty (FOR SOME SEX) no really they wanted a glass of water.

"So how much money did we win any ways?" Viper said looking at her best friend.

"Around 10k, why?" Crane said as graped some cooking spray and a towel. He put the towel to his mouth and the spray in to the towel spraying the can of spray into his mouth.(If you are stupid or dont know thats suppose to make you high).

"What the hell are you doing?" Viper said said with a smirk on her face.

"I'm trying to get high" Crane said as he continued.

"You know that never worked, it was thought up by a retard" Viper said worried about her semi retard friend.

"It will work watch me!" Crane said shouting as he thought he was getting high.

"I have some weed in my room" Viper said laughing at his crappy attempts.

"Ok that works too lets go" Crane said putting the spray and towel away.

As they walked down the hall Shifu jumped out and surprised them. Making them do a whole bunch of kung fuy stuff.

"You two thing screwing in my house is fun?" Shifu said as Crane and viper started to enplane Shifu cut them off.

"Well as punishment you two will clean the smallest bathroom, the one thats really cramped meant for one person , you two will be in there together with the door locked from both sides. The toilet is broken and needs fixing, Po was the last one in there and got something in there." Shifu walked a way giving them some bathroom cleaning supply's.

"That was a long typing experience" Crane said out load.

"We better get started" Viper said slithering to the bathroom.

A few minutes later after the bathroom was clean there was nothing left but the toilet.

"Wonder whats in there?" Viper said slightly disgusted

"More then likely a huge crap from the fat ass panda" Crane said looking at her.

"All right lets take this apart" Crane said unscrewing the very is things on the toilet.

"Ok but my nuts in your mouth" Crane said looking at viper.

"WHAT!" Viper replied in anger.

"Put this nuts in your mouth" He repeated putting the nuts form the toilet in her mouth.

"Oh I though... Never mind, Continue" Viper said calmly I mean she still had nuts in her mouth.

"OK, but really after this ill need you to lick my nut, What do ya say could you help me out?" Crane said lifting the toilet out of the way to expose the drain.

"What the fuck, your sick" Viper said slithering back wards.

"No I need you because I made some nuts today and Mantis over salted them and I need you to lick off the salt off" Crane said wondering why she got so angry.

"OK I'll think about it" Viper said about ready to kill him.

Crane put his wing down the drain and pulled something up.

"But one last thing I need you to choke my chicken" Crane said looking at Viper.

"THATS IT" Viper picked up a tool ready to jab It into his eye socket.

"NO NO WAIT!" Crane said showing her the thing he pulled out of the drain.

"Its really a chicken its what Po got stuck in it I need you to kill it !" Crane said almost screaming like hell .

"oh ok" Viper said killing the chicken.

After putting the toilet back on.

"Ok good were done here now could we please go get high?" Crane said whining.

"Sure" Viper said nodding in agrement.

"But really we should have sex" Crane said as viper hit him.

--

End of chapter 4 Review and btw this will split of into another story called the wonderful adventurers of Crane and viper (if it goes that long). They go to Vegas for a week with the money they earned. That will be talked about in the next chap.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 of Kung fu Internet I decided the best way to get back on track was to simply combine the story lines into one chapter (Exp.Tigress date and Crane Viper plus monkey will all be on). I'm smart. By the way "The Serial Chiller" Get the fuck off this site with your sick ass random bull shit. It gets old fast. Actually it gets old instantly. GET THE FUCK OFF or Get serious.

--

Monkey looked at the computer at 7:30 at night. It was quite besides the noise Vipers room in witch he didn't care, and there was Tigress getting ready for here date, and Po was making wild man love to shifu. Ok there was tons of noise but the main idea is he was alone.

"Wonder what there is to do on this?" Monkey said sitting on the chair of porn/gambling/dating, and NOW its use will be for stealing from them poor multi millionaire People who makes millions selling movies and music and complain when some one steals it though they still make tons of money.

He sat at the computer typing and bloging till he typed in lime witch showed lemons, lime, and limewire(I do not own limewire but I do use it :) It asked him do download and he did clicking the download button. After about 20 Minutes of random downloading and what not. Crane came out of Viper room all sweaty and such.

"What are you doing?" Crane said not high but just really tried.

"Downloading music and videos"Monkey Said eyes clued to the screen.

"Now its your turn to tell me something, What were you doing in viper's room?" Monkey asked asked with his eye brow raised.

"I mean with the sweat and Tiredness" Monkey added to his sentence.

"Long story, well not really, you see I took some sleeping pill so thats the reason I'm tired, and Viper turned her room into a sweet room" Crane said telling the truth.

"Alright" Monkey said simply and after a few minutes of strange silences.

"Can you download porn?" Crane said trying not to sound perverted.

"Yea theres tons of it, Why?" Monkey said raising his brow of Fury once again.

"No reason" Crane said slipping back into Viper's room to well you know sweet and smoke pot(But mostly sweet).

In another side of the temple place were the live. A female tiger was getting ready for a date. Viper slithered into here room.

"What are you doing?" Viper said surprising tigress.

"Getting ready for a date" Tigress said frightened

"With a guy?" Viper said questionably.

"Whats that suppose to mean?" Said as her glow in the dark eyes kicked in.

"Well its just, I always though you were , you know a lesbian" Viper said weakly and a little frightened.

There was a long ass moment of silence as tigress returned to getting ready.

A few minutes after getting ready and getting to the noddle shop or tea shop or what ever the hell I said it was I forget and I'm to lazy to go back that far. Any witch Nui was already there. She recognized him and sat down. After about 1 and a half hours of talking Tigress finally said something interesting to a guy.

"You want to come back to my place?" She said desperately tying to get some tonight.

"Sure" The male tiger said in response wondering what she could possibly want .

A few minutes later Tigress came thought Viper door...

"I need a condom stats" Tigress said panting.

"Top Dresser" Viper said wonder who the hell was desperate enough to date Viper let alone screw her.

"Were is Crane?" Tigress said as she found the condoms.

"His on the computer doing stuff, He'll be in here in a bit to do something with me " Viper said looking out the window from her bed.

"Alright well see yea" Tigress said leaving with the cherry flavored condom.

A few minute later after crane and Viper got done smoking a whole lot of pot they started to reminisce about shit. Plus the sounds of man love and hetro love dident make it better and the walls were pretty much paper so no sound was blocked.

"They've been at it for minutes" Crane said with eyes red.

"Yea" Viper said to high to talk.

"so you hungry? Because I am" Crane said getting the case of the munches.

"A lil bit yea" Viper said starting to be able talk better.

"What do you want to eat?" Crane said asking his best friend.

"Anything really, I dont care"Viper said slithering to lay in her bed. Crane layed on it shortly after.

"So how a bout a vacation some were, Just the two of us?" Crane said smiling about the possibility's.

"How about Vagues" (Whether or not thats how you spell it I'm to tired to spell check at 12 pm) Viper said normally.

"Sure" Crane said already buying tickets off hot wire.

--

End of chap 5 wish I could of done more but I was tired and I wanted to get it done tonight so there you have it I do not own any thing. If I did you think Id be writing on FF? Review P.S I am sorry if any of you found any of the homosexual joke offending it was not my intention to offend anyone it was a joke you have every right to feel offended and I sorry if you did.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 of the lord of the Internet saga. But really I want to be serious for a second and talk to you all about Not reviewingiosus, its a terrible disease and happens when you don't review. The worse part is no updates from the writer. So plz stop the spread of Not Reviewingiosus or NR and Review. Thank you. This is the final chapter.

--

Mantis got on the computer at 12:23 am and surfed like the other four before him, after about an hour of randomly looking at the history he guest (or witch ever way your spell it I suck at typos) who looked up what and why:

Crane gambled, the unstable bastered of a bird has no money and is willing to do anything for it. Tigress, obviously the downloading, there was something about that girl that he didn't like. Viper the porn I mean come on Cranesgonewild must be a gay site and Viper loves when guy cranes go wild. And monkey the dating the lonely idiot.

After that he saw an ad for ebay in which look fun but cost money. So the best way to solve this was to steal master Shifu and po's credit card. After a few minutes he returned with both the credit card s and started buying a whole bunch of random shit, from cars to old playboy magnetizes for crane. After 7 hours of buying crap Everyone was up and Shifu and Po finally got there credit report.

"Get Your asses down here students!!" Shifu screamed on the top of his lungs only to sound like a fucking chipmunk.

With that all of the furious five were down stair and when the credit report was shown everybody's heart raced a million miles an hour.

"Cranesgonewild, Gambling,Dating, and Ebay , and illegal downloading" Shifu, what do you have to say for yourself s? "said looking them all in the eyes.

"Ok who did what?" Po said adding on the story because the writers suffering writers block.

"I did the porn" Crane said being the first to step forward.

"I did the dating" Tigress said quietly.

"I did the gambling" Viper said as she slithered next to Crane.

"I did the downloading" Monkey said(Iam just going to put said ok)

"I did ebay" said Mantis as he walked up

"Ok here some words of wisdom" Shifu said in his wizard of oz voice.

"Crane you don't need porn, you had it in you the whole time, Viper you don't need to gamble to make money, you could could be a stripper, Tigress true love comes form the heart, not from a penis, Mantis ebay is fun but don't use my money."Shifu ended his lesson by asking what they learned form all this.

"I Learned that true love comes from the people that love you" Tigress said as the more your know sign showed up.

"I did't learn anything" Monkey said as he heard police sirens approach. All of a sudden gas bombs flew though the windows of the palace and police stormed the building searching for the one who downloaded 2000 songs from limewire. After pistol whiping Crane a few time the VOPPD finally stoped hitting random people and arrested Monkey for copyright infragments.

--

Well there you go the first Rated M Humor/Parody story in KFP its the final chapter I know but I,m starting a new story you will see soon.


End file.
